Holy Sh**

Ok, let me explain. Actually. I will go chronologically. You will definitely know what I am referring to by the use of this title when I get there....

The weekend was great. I spent the entire weekend with the Snachez's. My family drove to Vegas to visit dad. I would have gone with them, but I cannot sit in dad's little car for 6 hours.
Friday night was pretty chill. We went to party city, and went to Sweet Tomatoes for dinner.
Funny story, Jessica dropped pizza in my lap, I spilled noodles all over myself, and we had a very entertaining time. When we went to leave an older gentleman stopped mom, Jess and I though her was going to yell at us for being obnoxious so we left. Turns out all he said was, "It is so nice to see you all laughing having a good time." And that we did. We talked to Kristen a bit on the phone later that evening. Oh, because lucky (the dog) humped me. That was very awkward and embarrassing.
Saturday we went to Fresh and Easy, Jess and I played football (I am so sore, but it was fun), and I got a tad ill. Lets just say when the doctor tells you not to drink soda and you do (not to mention I was also eating hot cheetos) don't complain later when you have pains that feel like you are going into labor. I took drugs and got over it very very quickly. Sunday we played wii for like 3 hours, went to Party America and Spirit (halloween stores), and...well...let me tell you about the store first. If you want to be an inflatable penis, go to Spirit. They also have many other costumes that needed to be censored and what not....
Jess and I were wearing viking horn hats and the guy told us we couldn't unless we were buying them. We told him we were thinking about it, then realized they were 35 bucks. So we went to put them back but he was standing there. SO, I got mom to tell us we weren't allowed to buy them as we walked by. Jess and I complained and she went to put them back and the guy said, "Sorry your mom won't let you get them, they are really cool." That was funny.
This evening, because I was to ill to go last night, we went to a haunted house. Actually there were two of them. This is going to be a long, but entertaining story....

Hence the title of this post....

SO, We were all pumped about this. Nervous but pumped. We get to the place (it opened at 6...the haunted houses didn't open until 7) and were walking around. We made friends with the headless horseman, that was cool. But we see this guy in this "scary" mask, I walk by him and say, "Hey, how's it going?"...and Jess and I kept walking to go get our tickets for the main event. I turned around to see how far back mom and dad were and realized this guy was following us. I turned back around and said, "Holy Shi** he is following us, walk faster"...we get to the ticket booth and he comes up behind us and points to the train ride. Jess and I told him we would go visit him later and he thumbed-uped us and when ever we saw him for the rest of the evening he did just that. I came to the realization that all of these "scary" guys are grumpy because they have no friends, so my goal was to make friends with them (it was really my attempt at not being scared of them). We go into the jail (it had nothing to do with anything, we were at Rawhide, an old west town...) and the guy saw my MSND shirt and told me he did that play in high school. We made small talk. He played Lysander, I told him I played Hermia, and the other guy said, "And I got herpes, oh wait wrong play." These guys were perverted but funny. The sheriff turned and said, "watch what you are saying these are school girls." Ans stupid me replies, "Oh no I go to ASU and she is de-sensitized". So we had a very interesting perv-convo with them....Turns out he does caricatures. So Jess and I took turns sitting so he could make us a picture. While Jess was sitting in the chair another creepy guy came in and leaned over her a growled. She growled back. He gave up on her and came like two inches away from my face (Park rules are: They don't touch you, you don't touch them) I smiled and said hello. He revealed a gun under his jacket and I went to point at it and he thought I was going to touch it so he jumped back violently. I said, "No, no I won't touch it; I was just pointing at it." And he left upset at me. Oops.... Finally the haunted house opened. The two were: THE ASYLUM and THE CRYPT. I am really creeped out by asylums, so we decided we should do that one first to get it over with. Our group consisted of Jess, myself, and a mother with two daughters (probably between the ages of 8-11)...I was getting pretty nervous. Jess and I linked arms and headed in. The "doctor" gave us our rules. (these become crucial later, so remember them) No running, stay with your group, don't touch the patients, they won't touch you but will come close. Then he yelled "Fresh Meat!!! Come and get it!!!!". OK, we walk in...this lady pops out from behind the desk and tells us to turn back the patients have begun to riot. We keep moving along. Now, to get through you must walk through curtains to go from room to room. That was scary because this girl in a straight jacket popped out from behind them every so often....At one point there were like 12 curtains in a row and I was just hitting them because I was scared at what was going to pop out behind them. We get to a room with three beds with sheets pulled over the patients. One guy was a little over anxious and popped up before we really got in the room, so that wasn't so bad. I just pulled Jess right on through. BUT. We get around the corner and some guy is rolling on the floor in a straight jacket and he gets up and runs after us. We turn the corner to see girl in straight jacket again. Scared me to death. We get to an open part, where there is a jeep and this freaky clown. I hear Jess scream. I turn around and there is another clown up on stilts....I screamed. Jess pulled me by the arm and ran like there was no tomorrow (remember the rules) we get to the other side of the jeep and realize there is no group with us. Jess decides to leave me where I am to go find them. I am sitting in this corner, right next to a sheet where I was scared something was behind, and a clown starts heading for me. He gets to me and I say, "Hi, what's your name?" and he walked away. The group and Jess came back and we moved on. We turn the corned to see a man running at us, I scream. He gets to us and says, "Hey, come on, you got to get out, I know the way, follow me." Well, we did (we had to choice). At this point i do not remember much more. There was screaming, sheets, some closing of the eyes, some screaming, a chainsaw, the exit, and then I remember sitting on a bench trying to catch my breath.
I was shaking so violently that it looked like I was freezing, when in fact I was sweating like crazy. I was so freaked out. Words cannot describe it. We get in line for round two. We are the only people in line so we have to go by ourselves. I feel like I am about to throw up. I did not want to do this one. We go in, the lady gives us the rules. We start in. It is pitch black. The walls start banging and I scream. We pull back a curtain and Jess and I see complete and utter blackness. We turn to the lady and ask if we can wait for a larger group. We exited. Mom walks up to see what had happened. I basically break down almost to tears. I did not want to go in. The woman and her daughters got in line and decided we would all go again. I am hyperventilating at this point. Mom hands me her purse and tells me she would go with Jess. Mind you mom has heart problems, and a bad foot. I go sit with dad. He makes fun of me like no other but I could care less. I was literally scared beyond belief. I had realized I cut my finger open in the first one from pushing through the sheets, I was still shaking, and I felt like i was going to puke. Mom and Jess went on in. You could hear them screaming from a mile away ( I was also informed that is how loud we were in the first one). The come running out, mom couldn't even breath. They said it was scarier than the first one because it was pretty much pitch black though the entire thing. I would have crapped myself.
I have finally stopped shaking, but am still very freaked out by the whole evening. I am really glad I went but will never go again.
The title of this post, represents my phrase for the evening. I had to say that at least one hundred times. Along with many other colorful phrases.
I will be teased for the rest of my life for chickening out, but I do not mind. I am a chicken, a wimp, a wuss, you name it, etc. Period.

I am back at my lovely safe (or so I think) dorm. This week is pretty packed. Bio test Wed. English paper due tomorrow, meeting with my mentor on Thurs about my one-act I wrote (he is giving me feedback), meeting with my advisor on Fri, audition/interview on sat, rehearsals, and what ever else pops up. (hopefully it will not be crazy insane asylum people. Ugh.

I will leave you with this mad-lib....
Emily's haunted house experience ________________. ( Say what you will)

Bon Appetit!
Em