Giddy

We kicked off the second weekend of the show I am, Tragedy:A Tragedy, tonight.
All seemed to go very well. After the show we were asked to come up to the house. turns out, and everyone but me knew this, we were being adjudicated.
In high school, when shows were adjudicated, we didn't get to hear from the adjudicators right after the show. Tonight we did.

Before I go any further I just have to say this: My post talking about the "Dark Side"...I take most of it back.
Not because we got bad feedback (we didn't, we got great feedback), but because I was hit with a revelation tonight that has left me rather giddy.

What the adjudicators had to say really doesn't matter....it's what happened afterward.
So, there's this part of the play when I come on, I give Frank (played by the awesome Adam) my earpiece a note and exit the theatre. Tonight I forgot the note. It's not a big deal. It's not scripted, it was just a little something I added. So, I wait for him in the lobby and when he came out I pulled him aside. I basically apologized for forgetting his note. I knew it wasn't a big deal but, out of courtesy, I wanted to apologize. We ended up talking for about twenty-five minutes.

Quick background. Adam is a grad-student. He is rather talented. Rather good looking (and gay...yay theatre). Amazingly sweet. He was the first one to really make me feel "at home" with this cast (they all really embraced me and the other interns). And is just a really great guy all-around.

We talked about the note, and how it brought a different (but good) feel to that scene for him. He likes the notes better, but it really worked out nicely tonight. Then we went on about how many things were off tonight, but not in a bad way. He pointed out how when I brought him his sugar he turned to thank me and I was already headed backstage. I explained that I was always told I was going to be cued backstage because I don't know when he asks for the sugar and I haven't been cued, so I normally try to tell by his shadow that I can see off stage. Usually I enter at the end of John's speech, right before Michael starts talking. Tonight I realized John was almost done and I didn't want to walk all over the beginning of Michael's speech because that is the most important part, normally. So I quickly came on, heard him say thank you, but quickly got off. Also, there is a sound cue that the earpieces are receiving nasty feedback. I am normally not on stage but was tonight and reacted to it. When I told him my mini-story of why it was flustered. He said, "I saw that! Oh my gosh, Emily you are so talented. To pick up on something on the spot like that. I love you."

Well, here is where my revelation hit me. I wasn't hung up on the compliment but was rather hung up on the comment in general. I realized that I would never have gotten that comment from an adjudicator because it would have looked blocked since everyone else as reacting. But because I have worked through this whole process with Adam he picks up on the more subtle true moments of genius (not that I'm a genius, but I am referring to all the actors in my cast...in any cast there are moments of genius...you get what I mean). That's when I realized the following.

So today isn't "my day"...but someday it will be. Until then this is just experience. Both from a learning standpoint and just an experience in general standpoint. I am lucky to be given these opportunities to work with really amazing people and get this experience that will help me later in my "career". Also, (I have picked this revelation up in one of my more recent classes) I am more focused on learning and applying technique rather than just performing in class right now. Some day I will (I will never stop learning new things but) be able to perform my heart out using these techniques (I hope). No matter where I end up in this industry, I am living the most important part of it. Some people just try to be in shows and be the best. Some people just want to fast forward through school and go into the big leagues. I am realizing that this is where it all begins. This is where I will become that person. By realizing this, I am able to take more out of it. I am able to relish these moments and it will take me farther because I am taking my time and am taking things one step at a time. Realizing all this at once is rejuvenating to me. It put me in such a good mood. I am excited to see where I will end up in life, but knowing that the secret to getting far in life lies in being involved in my education is like knowing the secret to immortality. I feel utterly in control, but not in control at the same time. I feel in control because I now know that my work know will be reflected in my future work but not in control because I know God has a plan for my life and He is in control.

I don't know if any of this is coming off the way I am intending. But I hope you get the gist.

Anyway, I talked to Adam about many other things too.

then I came home and texted my brother. He is going through some tough times and I really don't know how to be there for him without him feeling like I am hovering or lecturing him...A text conversation was the way to do it. I found out so much so quickly and we were able to communicate better because I didn't need to know all the details and he didn't have to hear the tones of my comments...we just went with it and we left the conversation (both of us) in a really good place.

I am truly blessed and am on top of the world now. Even though my roommates are in a stupid session of conflict. Nothing can rain on my parade right now. I feel great.

The village people inside my head and I are finally starting to get one another. They still may get a little unruly sometimes, but I'm sure I do to....we all do. That's life. That's another thing I have realized. Life is life. Take what you can get and work with it. My roommate makes comments about how I don't get really angry, I don't let my frustration get to me and I rarely get angry/frustrated. It may bother her that I don't need to scream or holler....it's really just because I have experienced enough (that's weird to say even though I am not even 20) to the point where I have learned to live life the way I do. I like it, it's really so much easier than worrying, or getting angry or whatever else.

Again, I am so blessed and cannot wait to start another beautiful day (the weather is perfect right now) and have another great night with my acting family!

Bon Appetit!!!!!!!