Am I Human? or Am I going over to the dark side?

Disclaimer: I feel really strongly that I am just human. So, if any of this sounds like the "Dark Side" it is just your imagination. Ok? Good. Shall we continue with our normal programming? Good. Go ahead, I'm not stopping you...oh wait, I am.... sorry...here we go, for real this time...

Before we can psychoanalyze my psycho-ness.... I must take you back two days.
At Wednesday's Dress rehearsal part of my role was cut from the show. I was a good sport about the whole thing. It really didn't bother me at all, now that I think about it....

However, tonight we had our final Dress Rehearsal, which was a "preview" show and so we technically had an audience. The run went well (sort of...but I will get to that). I am really confident that our run will be a good one and we will get really good feedback from it. BUT (you had to see that coming) I am a little put off.

(Here is where I might sound a wee bit evil)

When I was cast, I understood that my role was as minor as minor can get. I had no lines, I was basically a living prop. However, the director made it sound like I was going to be pretty heftily involved. As we began rehearsals I started to see what she meant...and she didn't convey that initially.
I basically walk onstage a few times, hand the actor a piece of paper or a sugar packet, and then walk off.
Don't get me wrong I am thrilled to be a part of an ASU mainstage, that's kind of a big deal....however, I really feel like I could have done something more significant. That really hit me tonight.

I have come to the conclusion that ASU favors actors so now that I am in one show I can hopefully find it easier to get into others (I hope)...really a lot of the grad students get cast, and a lot of them aren't that good. Scratch that: I haven't seen most of them in their element (they auditioned and got in didn't they, there has to be something worthwhile about their talents, right? ASU's theatre school is one of the best in the country- so I'm told). I'm not saying I am the best thing that could ever happen to them, but I know I could do this. But I keep telling myself this is my in, and I am happy with that. I know I am. So why am I so put off by this show all of the sudden?

Could it be that I put a lot of work into it and feel it was for nothing?
Could it be because I feel I have more to give than pieces of paper?
Could it be that I am just in the stage of rehearsals where you hate the show?
Could it be that one of the grad-students is a total Primma-Donna?

Maybe it is all of the above...who knows really.
But I brought up a good point that I would like to discuss further. His name, well let's just keep him anonymous.
Here's a little bit of what I have seen:
First, I hear from the other actors that he told our director-while she was giving notes-"For the sake of argument, I think your wrong and I think what I am doing is better and I think I should stick with that." He also complained that where he stands on stage is "not viewable by the whole audience".... We have camera work within the show and when our director told him the part of the audience that really cant see him will be able to see him on camera he replied, "I don't want my performance to be based off of what is seen on camera" (um, excuse me for a moment, what your doing on camera is exactly what you are doing on stage....so, what am I missing?)....Today however, I feel was the worst.

In one part of the show he gets a bloody nose. SPOILER ALERT There is a cup on the back of his bench where the blood is and he dips his finger and gives himself a "bloody-nose"...well one kid on the costume crew, in charge of putting the blood there, didn't today. I suggested that the girl who goes on and talks with him (she plays the witness and he interviews her) should bring a small cup of it and there you go. They liked the idea and the girl did it beautifully.
After the show he came downstairs (that's where our dressing/costume rooms are) and he didn't have quite as much blood as he normally does, he was avoiding communication with everyone, and was just in a bad mood. During notes the director questioned why the witness was leaning up against our main man and she told her it was because she was placing his blood. The director, hadn't even noticed. He, however, kindly tells us that he could barely get his fingers into this cup and that's why he didn't have a lot of blood and that someone needs to do something so that this never happens again.
Um, it was final dress, a tech rehearsal...things are supposed to go wrong. We make mistakes, learn from them and then know not to screw up during show. Also, we got him blood on time, so why was he is such a pissy mood? Because he is a total primma-donna.
I think he is a good actor though, that's what pains me. He can be a good actor but he has all the bad actor qualities.... It is rather unfortunate. He's really nice though and behind the scenes we get along and I hope I work with him again (a-that means I will get work, b-if I want to have this career I have to work with people who are worse than him, c-no, that's all).

That's my rant. I hope I didn't sound like a stuck-up, "I'm too good for this" actor. I promise I am not, or at least I hope I'm not really like this....

For show info go to KANYnews4.com (there are videos of me on there :D)
We run Oct 2-18. Fri-Sat at 7:30; Sun at 2
(I recommend coming early because my main stage time is during pre-show...lol)

My ear hurts all of the sudden....random? Yes.

Also, pray for me. I am in the process of applying for a job. Applied yesterday at a place I would love to work. Einsteins Bagels. Nothing too glamorous. But the hours would let me still be in shows, they are amazing, and the people seemed really nice. Oh and it's an income....
And if you could: pray for my brother. Thanks.

You stay classy World.
Bon Appetit